


My Little Bird

by ikonisch (discordinparadise)



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Boys In Love, Childhood Memories, Flashbacks, Fluff, Happy Halloween!, M/M, Mentions of Death, Romantic Fluff, Self-Esteem Issues, but it's mostly just, expect a bit of, hanbin's sweet and creepy and godly, jiwon's actually quite tsundere lol, paranormal activity, so the full package, some humour to lighten things, some small, trigger warning for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-01
Packaged: 2021-01-15 23:54:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21261683
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/discordinparadise/pseuds/ikonisch
Summary: "That bird reminded me of the bird we used to have in elementary.""We had a bird?" Being in the same class since before they could remember, they really should have the same memories but Hanbin was always bringing up these weird things that Jiwon couldn't even think to recognise. Seemed like another exception."Yeah, see, you're victim to it too," Hanbin said with a grin, and Jiwon was confused. "After the bird died, it seemed like everyone forgot about it. I really hated that, it made me think that the love everyone had for it before was so fickle."'When...did our class...have a bird?''Do I even remember anything from as far back as that?'"Once no-one remembers something...it's like it never existed."





	My Little Bird

It was almost ten pm when Jiwon left his apartment to buy some late convenience store dinner, only to find Hanbin sitting cross-legged near the road, leaning on a tree.

"What the hell...Hanbin!"

The boy looked up, a smile on his face when he saw Jiwon jogging over. "The hell are you doing?"

"This bird fell out of the tree," Hanbin said, nodding to the small sparrow in his arms. Jiwon blinked, looking down at the bird before he slowly sank down next to Hanbin and poked the head gently. He felt some warmth hit his finger as the bird stayed still, its eyes closed as it lay in Hanbin's arms.

"Huh."

"A cat got at it," Hanbin explained, leaning against Jiwon which almost made the elder fall over. "I saw the cat jump out of this tree once I passed it, and then the bird fell. I only barely caught it." 

"So the bird's alive, right?"

"No. It died pretty soon after."

"Oh- oh no."

"It reminds me of a song." 

"Hm?"

"_If we take this bird in-_"

"I didn't ask you to sing!"

Hanbin put his hands over Jiwon's mouth and continued with his scratchy late-night voice. "_-with its broken leg, we could nurse it, she said._"

"Who's she?"

"How am I supposed to know?"

"Nice song, though," Jiwon mumbled, resting an arm around Hanbin as the latter kept humming the tune. "But we couldn't nurse it."

"In the song, they didn't nurse it either. They left it there to die."

"Huh?!"

"But it's a metaphor. For a relationship, I think. The girl was trying to save it, but the boy wasn't." 

"..."

"_But if I kiss you, would your mouth read this truth? Darling how I miss you, strawberries taste like lips do._"

"Is that an invitation?" Jiwon asked with raised eyebrows, leaning in close and Hanbin grinned as he shook his head.

"There's a dead being here, hyung, it's bad luck."

"Fine...let's go bury it."

"Really?" Hanbin asked, his whole face lighting up with happiness and Jiwon rolled his eyes.

"How come you're never that happy with me? Let's go."

"That's _not_ tr-"

"Come on already. We gotta be quick." 

"Why?" 

"Dunno. People will catch us."

Hanbin was obviously way more enthusiastic about it than Jiwon. After they found a field, the latter was instantly digging away with a penknife Jiwon gave him and Jiwon only really had to watch, since he wasn't sure if he'd even trust himself with something like carrying the dead bird either. How were you supposed to hold something like that?

He took out his phone on a whim, yet almost instantly it vibrated. He squinted his eyes as he looked at the name, trying to figure out who it was, but then it hit him.

** choi-kamin **  
_Jiwon! Long time no see!_

Why was Kamin contacting him after so long? And so late?

_yeah it's been a while -_  
_what's up? -_

_\- Hey it's good to hear from you! We should've kept in touch, I was amazed I had your number_

_yeah yeah choi get to the point -_

_\- Wow looks like you haven't changed )): _  
_\- Me and other people who were in our middle school year are thinking about a reunion!_

_oh -_  
_cool -_

_\- What do you mean cool?!_

_is hanbin coming -_

_\- Who?_

"What?" Jiwon muttered to himself, and Hanbin looked back at him with a questioning look. Jiwon just waved him off with his foot before rapidly typing back.

_what do you mean who -  
_ _kim hanbin that's who -_

_\- Man I really don't remember who that was, was he in a different class?_

_no -_

_\- Aw well I'm sorry _  
_\- But yeah tell him to come too!_

"Why the fuck wouldn't you remember him?" Jiwon wondered confusedly, before yelping when Hanbin was pulling him down to the floor.

"Look! I finished!" 

"Ooh, looks neat," Jiwon agreed, smiling when he saw the little heart Hanbin had very messily drawn on the top of the grave. "That took you a really short amount of time."

"Well, the bird was tiny. Now my hands are so dirty, though..."

"It's fine, I'm planning to go to the convenience store so I'll get you some wipes."

"To eat? Woah, me too," Hanbin said with wide eyes, before wincing when Jiwon struck him on the head.

"You live with your aunt and uncle, dummy, eat their food!"

"They're not here tonight!"

"Hmm...why?"

"Why don't you believe me?!"

"It's not that I don't believe you, it's just weird. They never leave the house."

"Eh...we had this fight and they stormed off...and I thought I'd just call on you if I have a hard time. Yeah, why do I trust you more than me? I'm strong and all that!"

"Probably just because you know I care about you. Not anything to do with me being more mature," Jiwon said mostly to appease Hanbin, and it seemed to work as the latter fell into a smile again. Jiwon looked at him for a moment before ruffling his hair. _How could anyone forget you?_

It wasn't long before they were next to each other on the floor of Jiwon's room, shoulders touching as they blew on their instant ramen. Jiwon knocked on Hanbin's leg with his knee. "Why the hell did you follow me?"

"I feel safe if I'm here," Hanbin said which was a little convincing, so Jiwon didn't have an answer for that. He stared at his food some more, before Hanbin's voice hit his ears again. "That bird reminded me of the bird we used to have in elementary."

"We had a bird?" Being in the same class since before they could remember, they really should have the same memories but Hanbin was always bringing up these weird things that Jiwon couldn't even think to recognise. Seemed like another exception. 

"Yeah, see, you're victim to it too," Hanbin said with a grin, and Jiwon was confused. "After the bird died, it seemed like everyone forgot about it. I really hated that, it made me think that the love everyone had for it before was so fickle."

_When...did our class...have a bird?_

_Do I even remember anything from as far back as that?_

"Once no-one remembers something...it's like it never existed."

That shook Jiwon's core just a little as he thought back to how that idiot Choi Kamin hadn't remembered Hanbin. What if the others didn't remember him either? Sure, Hanbin was quiet back then, he wasn't very noticed and he didn't stand out like he did now but middle school was when Hanbin and him had started dating. It was when he, if no-one else, really discovered how beautiful Hanbin was. Even if everyone else forgot him, Jiwon would never ever. At least he had that thought to appease him.

"Wow, I'm sad today," Hanbin sighed and Jiwon had to hold back an embarrassing noise when Hanbin's arm went around his waist, and his face flopped into Jiwon's neck. Jiwon almost punched him in the gut.

"Doesn't mean you can use me as a ventilator."

"You said you care about me..."

"Don't use my words against-" Jiwon fell short when Hanbin used one finger to lift his chin and in the next moment, they were kissing. Jiwon's hand gave out from under him but Hanbin caught him before he fell back on the floor, pulling him back. Intertwining their fingers.

"Do you remember the bird yet?" Hanbin suddenly asked out of nowhere, and Jiwon choked out, "I-I barely even remember my _name,_" which had Hanbin giggling. Jiwon managed to calm down soon enough and he clocked Hanbin in the head, making the latter cry out and let go of him. Good riddance. But...

"Come here," Jiwon grumbled with his arm over his eyes, reaching out to pull Hanbin back but he couldn't feel anything. He blinked, quickly uncovering his eyes but Hanbin was just climbing onto the bed before lying down with a satisfied sigh. Jiwon smiled a little while hopping up to join him, grabbing Hanbin's waist and rolling him over so he could be on top of Jiwon.

"You really give me mixed messages," Hanbin snorted, flicking Jiwon's forehead and the elder shrugged.

"Hey, maybe I want to sleep like this."

"You haven't even brushed yet, gross!"

"Idiot, I'm joking."

"I know..."

Jiwon watched as Hanbin sighed softly, resting his head on Jiwon's collarbones. Jiwon wondered if Hanbin's sentimentality was getting the best of him and maybe the bird had taken more of a toll than it should have. It must be really wrenching just to see any kind of being die.

"Bin," Jiwon said quietly, resting a hand on the back of Hanbin's head so he could card his hand through the hair slowly. It fell from his fingertips like small waves, soft and downy. Jiwon kissed the top of his head. "Sleep with me."

"_What-_"

"Not like that. Or I mean if you want to-"

"Hyung!"

"I'm just _kidding,_" Jiwon snickered, brushing his thumb over Hanbin's cheek after the younger raised his head to glare at him. "Hey...did you get a text?"

"From who?"

"Never mind."

Hanbin frowned, and Jiwon just smiled at him and kissed Hanbin's cheek. "Go on, you should probably get back."

"W-Weren't you inviting me over?" Hanbin asked with confused wide eyes, his hand resting on Jiwon's chest which wasn't great. Jiwon pushed the hand away, and smirked up at Hanbin.

"Maybe..." Jiwon kissed the hand. "But how am I supposed to hold back with you in the same bed as me?"

"Ah...ahh...AHH!" Hanbin suddenly yelled, tearing his hand out of Jiwon's grip before jumping off the guy in alarm. Jiwon sat up a little and sent Hanbin a 'really?' look. Hanbin blinked and lowered his eyes, rubbing his hand. "I-I'll go-"

"I don't mind you staying but I'll sleep on the couch."

"You don't have to!"

"Doll, we're not a sharing a bed." 

"_I'll_ sleep on the couch."

"God's sake...come here but keep your distance."

"Al-alright!" Hanbin said determinedly, about to roll into bed but Jiwon kicked his stomach.

"Brush your damn teeth."

"You need to do it too," Hanbin grumbled, clutching his side as he staggered off. Jiwon propped himself up with his elbow and watched after Hanbin with a smile, blowing a kiss that Hanbin couldn't end up seeing. 

_He's mine. Doesn't matter if one jerk doesn't remember him._

Jiwon fell asleep thinking about that little bird, and wondering what would have happened if they had been able to save it.

\- 

"Want this?" Jiwon asked, holding up the cereal bar that Hanbin was eyeing, and Hanbin looked at it some more before nodding. Jiwon raised an eyebrow and put it in his basket, muttering something about Hanbin always being so weird in convenience stores. "Just pick out the things you want, will you? I'm no mind-reader." 

"You've always been good at knowing what I want, though." 

"...?" 

"Oh, how much is this?" 

"Look at the price-mark, dummy." 

"There isn't one." 

"Label?" 

"Nope." 

"Huh. Hey, sir?" Jiwon called out to the shopkeeper who looked up, nodding at him. 

"Yes?" 

"How much is this?" 

"What item?" 

"The one my friend's holding?" 

"Who? There's no-one there." 

"What? Of course there's-" Jiwon looked to the side and blinked when in truth, there was no-one next to him. He looked around before moving his head to the side, peeking around the aisle to see Hanbin staring up at the drinks. Jiwon let out a huff and ran over to him, biding his time before he thwacked Hanbin in the head with his precious cereal bar. 

"OW-" 

"You just made me make a fool of myself, moron!" 

"Ah, I just saw this drink. I used to drink it all the time when I was little," Hanbin clarified, reaching up to take hold of the drink before staring down at it. Jiwon's eyes flitted between Hanbin and the drink for a good minute as neither moved, but it wasn't long before his patience started wearing thin. 

"Do you want it or not?!" 

Hanbin jumped. "Yes!" 

Hanbin left the shop while Jiwon paid for everything. He kept peeking outside to see if Hanbin was still there, and he cursed quietly when he saw him wandering off again. Why did he always do that? It was like he couldn't bear to be in one place. Even when Jiwon was there. 

"Thank you!" Jiwon barked out as he took the bag of items and ran out, grimacing when he was instantly hit by the force of the wind outside. He raised an arm over his face and trudged on, looking left and right but he couldn't catch sight of Hanbin at all. "Bin? _Ow_..."

Jiwon flitted away the leaf that poked his eye and pulled his arm closer. Though that just meant that he couldn't see very well, and all he could hear was the roaring wind and the rustling of the early autumn leaves whirling around and falling in warped sync. 

"HANBIN!" 

"Hyung?" 

What? Had that voice really come from _above_ him? Jiwon slowly looked up and squinted though the wind, only to indeed see Hanbin up in a tree, his arm around a branch. He looked like some kind of god up there, the wind ruffling his hair and clothes constantly and it was one of the rare times where his baggy clothes couldn't quite hide his muscles. Jiwon was almost drooling before he quickly shook his head. 

"What the _fuck_ are you doing up there?"

"Don't I look like the king of the world?!" Hanbin said excitedly, and his grin made him look even more beautiful as he looked up through the tree. He looked almost one with the nature. Almost, transparent. Jiwon's mouth was dry now, and he couldn't reply. "But I just thought I saw something here." 

"...another bird?" 

"Nope." Then Hanbin was reaching into the tree and plucking something out, before looking down and jumping out, landing perfectly. Jiwon's feet seemed stuck to the ground as Hanbin jogged over to him weirdly swiftly before stopping right in front of him, where the tips of their shoes basically touched. He held up something with both hands so that it touched Jiwon's nose, making the latter's pupils dilate. 

"Huh?" 

"It's the first flower of the season."

"What? How do you know it's the first-" Jiwon paused when Hanbin was reaching out and raking Jiwon's hair behind his ear. It reminded him a little that he needed a haircut, and it reminded him a lot that Hanbin's hands were always so slender and cold. But he still felt warm when one of Hanbin's fingers stroked behind his ear, then something much thinner replaced it. 

"There. You look very pretty." 

Jiwon raised his hand and gently touched behind his ear, and he felt something thin and soft. The flower. He hadn't even been able to get a good look at it and now it was accessorising him. 

"Do I?" 

"Yes." 

"You think I want to look pretty?" 

"You do anyway." 

"I really don't understand you," Jiwon muttered, pushing Hanbin's head slightly and the latter shrugged, grinning but before he could say a single dumb thing, Jiwon wrapped his arms around Hanbin's shoulders and pulled him down for a kiss. 

"Haha, you _like_ me," Hanbin snickered, kissing Jiwon's neck as the elder scoffed in denial but still closed his eyes, savouring it a little. "You really-" 

Jiwon frowned when he heard noise, even as Hanbin kept kissing him. "W-Wait, I think there are some people-" 

"What?" 

"Someone's coming." 

And Jiwon didn't know what he had expected, but it was like some of his life force had been wrenched away from him in the next second as Hanbin's lips and body warmth left him, and his heart stilled. He couldn't open his eyes as fast as he wanted to but eventually he could, and he managed to see a few boys walking past them- them? No, it was just him. Hanbin had disappeared. 

_In the time that my eyes were closed he could've run off, but it felt like he left earlier...it felt...well, it's not like Hanbin's even ever warm in the first place, but it felt cold. _

"Hanbin?" 

Jiwon almost stumbled forward when arms wrapped around him from behind, and a massive kiss was planted on his nape. "The hell, Bin." 

"Sorry." Hanbin squeezed him tighter. "You missed me?" 

"You wish." 

Even though Jiwon should be annoyed, this was probably the most relieved he had felt in his entire life. Not to mention it was the first time Hanbin had come back to him after disappearing. Usually Jiwon had to go around looking for him, but now Hanbin was here. 

_He's probably horny but let me have this_, Jiwon thought with a sniff, clenching a hand into a silently happy fist as Hanbin's head flopped into his neck like it did so often. _Even if he disappears, he's always been with me. Since we were kids, since middle school, since high...I can't imagine him not just being there. _

"I got a text about a middle school reunion!" Hanbin said brightly while they were walking back home, and Jiwon looked at him in surprise. Finally, at least someone remembered. "Are you going?" 

"Are you?" 

"Probably!" 

"I might go. Who told you about it?" 

"Oh, they just said it on that old group chat we used to have." 

Jiwon froze. So no-one had actually reached out to Hanbin in particular. "That? I left that the year we moved into high." 

"Yeah, they were saying that! Stuff about how you weren't in the chat but they really wanted you to come," Hanbin laughed, sounding so bright that it was blinding. It was almost too much. "People really liked you, hyung." 

"They liked you, too." 

"Not really." 

"Then I did. That's what matters." 

"I know. It would have been nice, though," Hanbin said a little quietly, which wasn't the answer Jiwon wanted. He wanted Hanbin's normal answers, his smiles and 'You're right!' and all the things that allowed Jiwon to stop worrying, because he hated worrying. It weighed him down and made him feel like he was sinking beyond his limit. 

"Idiot! Everyone loved you in high school, didn't they?!" Jiwon yelled, punching Hanbin's arm a thousand times and Hanbin burst into laughter and weak yells of pain, trying to wave Jiwon off. 

"I know, I know!" 

"What, you being greedy now?!" 

"No, I'm not!" 

"Ugh." 

The rest of the way, Hanbin was humming that song about the little bird. Jiwon just listened to it, but he kept Hanbin's hand in his to make sure the boy wouldn't run away. Maybe it was something he was actually scared of. Maybe he was afraid that Hanbin would really run away forever, if he liked wandering so much. 

"Go home." 

"Have a nice day, hyung." 

"Likewise. Go." 

"Thanks for breakfa-" 

"Go already!" 

"Ahh okay!" 

_What's wrong with me? _Jiwon thought with gritted teeth as he watched Hanbin run off for a while before he rested his head in his hands. He sighed to himself, then he went inside up to his apartment, and made himself a cup of tea. 

For the first time ever, Jiwon hadn't been in Hanbin's class once they reached high school. The guy was way more academically clever than him, and Jiwon was lumped with the lows because perceptiveness and creativity were things that were barely rewarded. So it intrigued him when he slowly saw the changes in Hanbin, the way he articulated his words better, how he'd have more people around him and happiness started filling his pretty demeanour. Jiwon thought he had been beautiful before but when Hanbin was happy, he was transcendent. 

Yet he still decided to stay with someone like Jiwon. 

"I feel like I never see you anymore," Jiwon would laugh flippantly when Hanbin would show up to have lunch with him less and less each term. Nonetheless, he'd still get a kiss and a vivid story that Jiwon would listen to keenly even if he didn't show it. Hanbin had stories for days, or maybe he was just good at telling them. Sometimes it would be what one of his classmates did, or sometimes it would be about his magical talent of finding animals outside. Sometimes it would be about his dreams. 

"My favourite dreams are when it's just you and me and no-one else," Hanbin would sigh, and Jiwon would raise an eyebrow at that. 

"Why?" 

"People are tiring." 

"Seconded." 

"But I like them. They're good to me, but not as good as you've always been." 

"I'm not good, it's just 'cause you've got a pretty face." 

"Y-You used to always call me ugly!" 

"You're both." 

"Huh?!" 

One day, Jiwon asked, "What're the dreams where it's just you and me about?"

"We talk for hours and hours," Hanbin said, and his face lit up. They were holding hands under the lunch table like usual, and Jiwon felt Hanbin grip tighter. "I tell you all the things I want to say, and it's practice for when I tell you in real life!" 

"_That's_ why you're so good at story-telling, you lameoid." 

"Maybe. And...we sometimes..." Hanbin was turning bright red, and Jiwon really almost threw his rice pudding at the boy, muttering, "Perv." 

"But the fact that I dream about you so much makes it okay that I don't see you a lot anymore," Hanbin explained, which made Jiwon go a little red too. "I mean, it's not ideal but I still see you a little, and then it'll be enough to hold me." 

"You really like me too much..." 

"Yeah!" Hanbin cheered, and Jiwon pushed the guy's face down onto the table. 

"Don't be so proud admitting that!" 

High school. The time Jiwon really fell in love with Hanbin, even though the boy was weird and whimsical and never stayed still. 

"If we ever break up, don't be a stranger," Jiwon had said another day, which made Hanbin almost choke. "We can probably still be friends." 

"Why are you saying that?!" 

"There's this hot girl in a higher year who likes you."

"Who?" 

"Ryu Haruka." 

"The Japanese girl?!" Hanbin yelled in disbelief and Jiwon frantically nodded. "She's so hot!" 

"Right?!" 

"But she's not as hot as you!" 

"Ooh, you think she thinks so?" 

"WAIT, DO YOU THINK SHE'S HOTTER THAN _ME_?" 

"Depends." 

Hanbin looked like his soul had been sucked out of him, and Jiwon pointed at him. "Right now, she's way hotter." 

"WHA-" 

"And everyone likes you. There's not a single girl who doesn't send you _gaga_ eyes," Jiwon shrugged, sipping from his straw but he paused when he couldn't see Hanbin in the corner of his eye anymore. Then the straw was taken out of his mouth. 

"People have been like that to you all your life. They still are," Hanbin said from right in front of him, and his voice sounded incredibly neutral as he took a sip of Jiwon's drink. Jiwon turned to face him, a small smirk on his face. 

"You jealous?" 

Jiwon should have recognised that dangerous look in Hanbin's eyes by now, but he still got shocked by the way Hanbin drew him in by grabbing his collar and their lips crashed together. Jiwon winced softly, a small noise leaving his mouth as Hanbin pressed him against the tree behind them. Then it was over, and Jiwon always forgot to ask for more. 

"It's okay because you let me do stuff like that," Hanbin hummed, rubbing his cheek against Jiwon's which was a weird feeling. "And that must mean you like me." 

"I g-guess..." 

"I like you so much, hyung." 

"Yeah." 

"So so much," Hanbin murmured, kissing every part of Jiwon's skin that was visibly bare, and Jiwon tried to bat him away. 

"Stop it already, wanna get caught?" 

"Since when do you care about that stuff?" 

"Since you got so bold, dumbass." Jiwon made a show of looking around, but the field was really oddly a ghost-town. Were they supposed to have a class? _Oh right, we're skipping because we're hormonal teenagers. _

"What's so great about me anyway? That girl and you could be a power couple by now," Jiwon said, looping his arms around Hanbin's neck as the younger nosed his hair, probably smelling him which Jiwon would find very weird if he didn't know how obsessed Hanbin was with aphrodisiacs and if he hadn't used that to his own advantage that morning. That was probably the reason Hanbin was so touchy today anyway. 

"Nah. You noticed me when no-one else did." They were kissing again, and Jiwon's eyes fell closed. "So I won't feel forgotten." 

_'Once no-one remembers something, it's like it never existed.'   
_

_He's always been with me. So if I look behind me, he'll be there. He'll be there. He'll- _

He wasn't there. And it felt like a memory in his mind was evaporating, so Jiwon kept holding onto it, and he ran down the stairs of the apartment complex and threw open the door. It was windy. The sky was dark, and Hanbin was there, underneath the tree, with his legs crossed. A dead bird in his arms. Every Saturday like clockwork, at 9:43 at night. The day Kim Hanbin was left alone by his aunt and uncle and tried to save a bird when leaving to buy food, and was beaten to death by thugs. Right outside Kim Jiwon's apartment. But each week, Kim Jiwon would get a chance to save him as the one person where the memory of Kim Hanbin would always stay strong. Just as long as he didn't know that he was being a saviour. 

But Jiwon was starting to figure it out, because Hanbin wasn't playing fair with the things he said.

_ **"If you don't save him, who would mourn him but you?" ** _

_Who said that?_ Jiwon thought to himself, looking around. _God?_

Then Jiwon caught sight of Hanbin, and the words stopped. Everything fell silent, and all he saw was his love leaning against a tree, stroking something and humming a tune. 

_Something isn't right._

But he'd never find out, as long as his everlasting love and memory overpowered his fickle reason.

"What the hell...Hanbin!"

The boy looked up, a smile on his face when he saw Jiwon jogging over. "The hell are you doing?"

"This bird fell out of the tree," Hanbin said, nodding to the small sparrow in his arms. 

And the day repeated, with a boy who wouldn't die, and another who would always remember to save him.

**Author's Note:**

> (song: little bird - ed sheeran)
> 
> happy halloween everyoneeeee


End file.
